Great write-up, Neil. I agree, you have to experience both sides of the coin as they say to know the difference. I also agree on being authentic. Even in fiction we must put in a bit of reality just for realities sake.

B

I agree, it was a great write-up. For some of us it is necessary to use our furtive imaginations. But I can imagine how real life experience must be so beneficial when writing a story.

Your description of that first visit to a domme rings bells!
It's amazing how (perhaps unnecessarily) paranoid we can be about our kink. So many times we read, 'I thought I was the only one'... and NHS figures confirm that the embarrassment mortality rate remained at zero in 2011 for the 73rd year running.
I'm so glad you could come out with it all and be accepted too. Thanks for 'sharing'.

I'm so pleased it all worked out well for you!
S

Thanks for a very interesting article, Neil. Even today, it doesn't seem at all easy to be "out" about spanking. I've occasionally toyed with the idea of being completely open about it, as there would certainly be advantages, such as people with similar secret interests feeling able to confide in you, and that might lead to all sorts of interesting possibilities. About a year ago, I was feeling brave, so I put my collection of spanking postcards in a display cabinet where any visitor might see them. The next day, I lost my nerve and put them back in the drawer!

Such an interesting article which I'm sure rang bells for many people on many different levels. It is great that you were able to be honest with your wife about your kink... as in the end honesty always pays :-D Thanks so much Neil for sharing this with us.

I am so glad that you experienced this, and that your family understands. It is difficult when you have this urge, tell your spouse, and they try, but are not really into it at all.

You are lucky. I suspect that most spankos are consigned to being totally alone with their kink or to having "come out" with limited acceptance. You should be quite pleased.

Jools said; "in the end honesty always pays."

I'm not so sure about that The closet can be a safe place. Changing an already satisfactory relationship when you don't really need to is taking a big risk. On the other hand. if you are already unhappy, you might have nothing to lose and possibly something to gain.

Thanks for sharing Neil.

Thanks for your courage in sharing that with us.

The article and the comments are very interesting. My own view is that given today's UK culture of survelliance and council busybodies some jumped up little jobsworth will put 2 and 2 together and come up with a massive 6 - eg Spanking involves Children - you like spanking therefore you are a paedophile - a report goes to the local Old Bill and there's a raid with your computer being stripped to its bones and if you have ever written a spanking story involving a child - well do you fancy your chances against a hostile press corp. God forbid you have children of your own - in that case you would be doomed. Sorry to be so negative but that is my view.

Thanks for this information. Real life can be, at times, even better than fiction.

Good for you to explore and find some personal fulfillment. Not sure how old you are or how long married but . . . as a person who has been married to a vanilla a loooooong time I recommend you work slowly and inexorably to see whether your lover would not like to provide the spanking. My wife is still --and will always be--a vanilla but, that said, she has become a truly proficient and very enthusiastic spanker. It is true that love does conquer all if there is enough patience and communication. Give it some thought.

It amazes me how so many men are unable to reveal their truest desires to the love of their life, year after year after year. Witholding such intimate info has to be cyphered out by one's mate and the lack of explanation has to create a segment of distrust on some level. Women are intuitive and aware when something isn't quite right. Some tend to ignore such situations while others attempt to dig it out. Many simply give up, knowing that something is missing while sensing your withdrawal but simply going ahead with their lives and devoting themselves to children, family, church and whatnot. Share with them during a loving intimate time, unravel all the mystery and don't let your marriage fester into boring nothingness. Read Tom Hobbes' comment and learn. A determined vanilla's spanking should be better than a sadist's spanking anyway. For better or for worse, remember? Good stuff Neil, thanks for sharing ...

You are a brave and lucky guy.

Good for you that you had the nerve to tell your wife and you both managed to adjust to the changed situation, that takes work and is to be admired.

I do agree that for one to write about spanking they should have some actual spanking experience, however many writers may prove me wrong here. I do think though it is easier if one has some experience in what they write about.

Coming out as a spanko amongst your family and some friends is great, it is too bad that it cannot be more public, however like you, I and many others have a few who know and many who do not know about our interest.

Thanks, Neil, for this write up. I find it quite interesting. By nature, I am a very private person. But, like you, it has worked out well for me to share my spanko mindset with my wife. She will always be vanilla, but she does give me a couple of good hard spankings a week, for which I am grateful - "because she loves me." I know that some spankos desire to be spanked by more than one person, but not me. So, only my wife knows about my kink, and we both want to keep it that way.

Yes, having real experience with spanking would be helpful to an author, in my opinion.
I'm glad to hear your wife was able to accept this side of you. The same goes for several others who commented here. In my case I came out to a lady when we had the time, as we were about to become interested in each other. Sad to say we had to break off seeing each other and married others.Fast forward several decades when we were both free again. We experimented even more than previously and I shared numerous ideas, websites and so on with her, and solely about spanking. One day something seemed to click within her and she became enthusiastic, even revealing it was major turn on, and so were a couple of other things. I was over her knee (and in a couple of other positions) numerous times. Yes, we did marry.

Wow, Neil - your wife understands and lets you play...you are indeed very fortunate. Actually, you deserve to be because you made the courageous decision not to lie to your wife which shows the respect you feel toward her and so she apparently has returned the favor ever since. You say that you both made the needed adjustments to continue your marriage. I would interested to know what they were, if you should ever feel like talking about it, whether directly or through your marvelous writing.

The account rang true to me. Here across the sea as a youth or adult even those who
have been spanked with a wooden paddle rarely have felt the wood of a
cane. I experienced one first_hand. The sting really did build after it struck my bare butt. Now I can write about the effects with confidence.

Incredibly interesting to hear your outing story - you wrote and published this when I was 12 years old, and I'm mostly fascinated at how much cheaper it was to see a domme back then! I'm glad coming out went well for you and that you can play and go to munches and such. Good for you :)