The Library of Spanking Fiction: Wellred Weekly
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Articles
Items of interest regarding all things spanking
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Christianity and Adult Spanking What does it mean to be a Christian? Christianity means growing in faith on a spiritual journey towards your salvation and acknowledging Jesus Christ as your Savior. To me being a Christian means you have a relationship with Christ. You've had an experience brought about by the presence of the Lord that has changed your heart. You no longer want to live the way you were but seek God's will and desires for your life. Basically you want to please God by worshipping him and bringing glory to him. So does being a spanko bring God glory? Hardly! But can one still dabble in this lifestyle and still be a Christian? What does it mean to be a spanko? I really had no good definition myself of what a spanko was, I just knew I was one, so I used the words from an article called It's a Spanko Thing... You Wouldn’t Understand, found at Bethany's Woodshed. Spankophiles, or spankos as they are known to each other, are adult males and females who are interested in and/or practice spanking among themselves -- either administering or receiving, or both. All serious spankos will hasten to add that to the definition that they condone the practice for consenting adults only. Most either take no position on the question of spanking children, or they actively disapprove and refuse to practice it themselves. Many spankos dislike applying the judgmental term 'perversion' to spanking and shun the clinical-sounding 'fetish'. Rather, they refer to their interest as just that -- an 'interest' or perhaps a 'kink' or 'diversion' or even 'play'. Christianity and being a spanko... do they mix? I must admit it's been a real struggle for me over the years. There have been many times I've felt unworthy to be called a Christian because of my writing and sexual desires. However I always counter-balanced those feelings with figuring God made me this way so surely he understands and approves to a degree of what I am doing. And I've talked with other members on the site about this feeling from time to time and must admit my fears have calmed somewhat. But there is still that slight guilt lingering down in my gut. I've been writing spanking stories since I was eight or nine. I have no idea where the interest came from but it seems to have always been a part of me. I never dreamed of sharing my stories with anyone... EVER! But as an adult, I'd get online and read stories others had written or... oh my gosh... purchase them from book-stores... online of course! But never did I think about having others read what I'd written. I felt they weren't good enough... not flowery like many writers. I didn't feel that I had the gift of making pictures in the reader's mind with my words. However, at the same time I liked my stories and most importantly I enjoyed writing them. But the guilt of writing them was always tearing at me. I got away from the guilt somewhat by reminding myself no one else was ever going to be seeing them so what difference did it make. Then in January 2010 I discovered the Kilahara Library and fell in love with the site. I liked the concept of what Flopsy and Februs were doing and truly wanted to be a part of it. After much thought, I decided to give it a whirl. Am I still in agony writing these stories? Yes. However I continue to diligently practice my faith and have recently found a wonderful Christian partner who is not really into the spanking scene but has actually encouraged me to continue writing. It was very difficult telling him about my fetish but once I did, I was glad, he has been nothing but supportive... after the initial shock of course! What is a Christian Domestic Marriage? Well according to an article found at Shakesville, a Christian Domestic Marriage is one set up according to Biblical standards. The husband is the authority figure in the household. The wife is submissive to her husband as the Lord demands and the husband loves his wife as himself. The husband has total authority but must answer to God for his actions and decisions. Christian Domestic Discipline (CDD) is much more then just spanking. It is the husband loving the wife enough to guide and teach her. Although there are many verses that back up this belief, here are two that most Christians are very familiar with: Ephesians 5:22-33... Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word... Ephesians 5:28... In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. The website, Christian Domestic Discipline, is a popular site for couples that follow this lifestyle. It is run by a small group of women who are involved with traditional 'domestic discipline' relationships. According to these women, domestic discipline is not spanking. A domestic discipline relationship begins when the couple decides one partner will maintain a leadership role, usually meaning the husband. They also believe that DD means that the 'head' will utilize disciplinary actions when necessary. What form that discipline would take is totally determined by each couple. Although most couples who use domestic discipline will include spanking, some do not. This group also declares that the Bible neither requires nor forbids corporal punishment of wives. Many Bible passages, as already stated, refer to wifely submission, and in a historical view it is was very logical to assume that this submission could include corporal punishment. An interesting dilemma was posed on the site, The Intimate couple, by a woman who was married to a man who enjoyed being spanked. He didn't share that fetish with his wife for 19 years but when he finally did and managed to convince his wife to try it, she actually loved it! Unfortunately she felt it was morally wrong and told her husband she wouldn't do it any more which was a big disappointment to him. I do, however, commend the woman for trying to find a satisfying solution as she began seeking answers from other Christians. The response she received was extremely well thought out and believe it or not eased my own mind a bit. Although there is much more to the article than the following, I thought this was the essence of what was being said: God designed sex for us to have fun and enjoy each other. In our sexual relationship with our spouse, we learn to please each other first and then, of course, receive pleasure ourselves. This whole process must involve honoring each other, and preferring each other. You cannot be involved in anything that degrades you, physically or psychologically hurts you, or that is clearly contrary to Scripture. What are my personal views on this type of marriage? For those of you that have read any of my stories this will most likely blow your minds but I very much believe that the wife needs to submit to the husband. God has placed him as the head of the household to lead... not abuse... the family unit. This does not mean he makes decisions without consulting his partner. I feel the couple needs to be participate equally in decision making. I'm also not so sure I'd let him spank my ass for something he thought I'd done wrong unless we were having foreplay. Shocking I know! I can remember my mom telling me once that she let my dad have the final say about things and at the time I vowed never to do that when I got married. I thought that was weak and certainly not right for today's woman. But over the years, as I matured into the Christian woman I am today, I have come to see the love my mom had for my father and for the written word. She lived her whole married life honoring what God commanded and quietly passed it on to me. Summing it all up! So, all in all, I do believe there can be a 'happy mixing' between Christianity and being a spanko. As long as things are kept in perspective, one can have a long and happy life in both worlds. Obviously this is the belief of many authors on this site as well. And with their permission, I am including several of their quotes about this subject below: Crimson Kid: Well, I'm a practising Christian and I've personally never felt that there was any contradiction between my religious beliefs and my occasional spankophile practices. Early in our marriage my vanilla wife did seem to find it difficult to reconcile her religious beliefs with playfully or erotically smacking my seat for me, but as she's become more liberal theologically she's also become more tolerant of my spanking-related desires. Tiptopper: It is my understanding that even the most conservative Christian churches think that consensual foreplay between married couples, including mild S&M, is permitted. Neil: I don't think the church has any kind of stance on the issue - certainly my last pastor knew of my kink and it didn't bother him, as many people in church were struggling with far more serious life and relationship issues and we are a happily married couple involved in church activities. TheEnglishMaster: I suspect traditional Anglicans in the UK would simply see spanking between couples as kinky - and would disapprove of that kind of foreplay. In a more DD context, it would be seen as abuse, and the participants urged to seek counselling! Quite different for children, for whom the 'spare the rod' principle still holds sway among many, even if they're more discreet about saying these days than they once were. For myself, anything done with love works for me! Guy: Spanking was very much a part of the religious culture I grew up in. It was taught from the pulpit. I distinctly remember our preacher describing his own youthful punishments in sermons. He would conclude by tearfully saying that his mother "loved him enough to punish him" (with her nodding in the audience) and then he would tie that mother's love to God's love, thus reinforcing the message. Islandcarol: To the lay community, as addressed from the pulpit, self-flagellation was never encouraged, neither was spousal discipline - for Catholics that is. I remember Pentecostals promoting child CP but, offhand, I can remember nothing in any of the gospels where Christ spoke of CP. He was a tolerant liberal! Bendover: To me, spankos and Christians can be a great mix. Just because there are people who enjoy the scene and participate in spanking, doesn't mean they turn their back on any type of religion. I never did. The spankos I know are good, honest people. They take pride in their home, work, religion, and themselves. It's called 'meeting of the minds'. Galatians 6:1... Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Read into this what you will! 20 comments:
Guy said...
Excellent article! When discussing adult-adult spanking in the context of Christianity, one must make a distinction between discipline spankings and sensual spankings. It's easy to see why some have issues with F/M discipline spankings in a Christian household where the male is expected to be the head. I don't think they are insurmountable issues, but at least I see them. On the other hand, God clearly intended for couples to have sex and sensual sex play. The good feelings and the bonds that form between husband and wife in these private, intimate moments form part of the glue that holds families together. In the context of private sensuality where both parties are consensually enjoying the activity, I see no conflict between Christianity and spanking play, regardless of who happens to be on top. 22 October 2012 17:19
corncrake said...
Well done, KatieB, on confronting this issue - and in such a measured, humane and logical way. I am sure that it will be interpreted on as many levels as there are readers. Thank you for writing it and I really look forward to reading the responses :) 22 October 2012 20:46
AlanBarr said...
I found this to be an interesting and thoughtful article, even though, as an agnostic, it doesn't strictly apply to me. But as far as i know, the Bible has nothing specific to say about consensual spanking, so we're really all in the same boat and need to decide for ourselves whether we should feel guilty about our kink, whether practising it or writing about it. In many ways, it's hard to imagine a more innocent or harmless activity than fully consensual adult/adult spanking. It doesn't harm anyone or anything, it doesn't spread diseases, it doesn't cause unwanted pregnancy, it doesn't waste resources or damage the environment. Morally, it's on a par with flower arranging. Personally, I find writing about spanking more morally questionable than practising consensual spanking.There's no denying that spanking can be abusive, or it can be a component part of other sorts of abuse. My worst fear would be that somethign I'd written might encourage somone who didn't share my moral code to do something non-consensual and abusive to someone else. But I realise that if everyone thought like that then almost nothing at all would ever be written - certainly nothing interesting. Realistically, that's a small risk you have to take when writing, rather like the small risk of killing someone you take every time you drive a car. 23 October 2012 23:27
Pastor said...
I am Christian. I write stories in which Christian men and women (usually men) have deep passionate attachment to spanking. I am so confused, but happily so! 24 October 2012 21:03
jools said...
A very interesting and well written article KatieB, I have Christian values but I am not a practising Christian. For me, spanking is a sexual kink and not related to punishment.in any way. In Christian DD relationships, the spankings don't seem to be related to sexual kink or enjoyment for either partner (or more importantly the bottom) but more a sort of power play of man over woman- where the man acts in God's stead. The issue of power play can sometimes (but not always) border on excessive if the bottom is not willing and especially if she feels forced into engaging in this lifestyle for religious purposes,or she believes the punishment to be unfair. Although this lifestyle is very successful for many couples I am sure there are grey areas for many so it shouldn't be over-romanticised and taken at face-value. having said that, I do love to read romantic DD stories so long as the bottom (usually female) is a willing player. In this situation, so long as the dynamic is kept fair, it works well for many couples, especially where the female needs the lead of a strong and always fair alpha male. Although this lifestyle has a massive amount of grey areas for me, the concept of DD and Christian DD (where the man is acting as a vessel of God and believes he is held in judgement by him) is still very fascinating. Thank you Katie for this very interesting and thought p[provoking article of a very sensitive issue. 25 October 2012 11:31
Graves94 said...
I attended a Christian wedding a few years ago in which the portion of St. Paul’s letter to the Ephesians regarding wives being subservient to their husbands was repeated by the pastor several times. Not sure why it received such emphasis during the ceremony, unless the pastor knew something about the bride of which the rest of us were not aware. It stuck with me, however, and led to a F/M story that I’ll submit to flopsybunny for posting to this site. 25 October 2012 16:33
SNM said...
I don't recall anything in the Hebrew scriptures about which adult pastimes aren't allowed within marriage. Then again, maybe there's something in that newfangled "New Testament" thing. Kids these days... 25 October 2012 18:22
tiptopper said...
( Many spankos dislike applying the judgmental term 'perversion' to spanking and shun the clinical-sounding 'fetish'. Rather, they refer to their interest as just that -- an 'interest' or perhaps a 'kink' or 'diversion' or even 'play'.) There is another psychological term rather than "fetish" which applies to the interest of many of us, it is "specialized sexual interest". The difference is that a fetish is usually a compulsion where as an SSI is a preference. For example if a man has a fetish for women wearing high heeled shoes he might have little interest in a woman who isn't wearing them and might not even be able to perform. A man who has an SSI for high heeled shoes would prefer that the woman wear them but it would not be a requirement; he could happily have sex with a barefoot woman although adding high heels would increase his enjoyment. 25 October 2012 20:48
TomHobbes said...
Thanks for a very personal and well thought out discussion; your willingness to be true to yourself, explore, and share is wonderful. Then again, I happen to agree with you heartily. . .. I long ago married a vanilla and we have been monogamous, happily married, and spanking now for almost four decades. We met in a church long ago and our local Christian congregation/community has always been the center of our shared lives. And no, of course no one else knows! That is what makes all this so much fun. 25 October 2012 21:28
bendover said...
This article hits home very hard, and I mean right in the center of my chest. With losing my daughter only a few weeks ago, I could think of nothing but what would lie ahead for me. Being a Christian, I looked for the obvious, which was comforting words from my friends and family. I got them . . . and more. Not only from those I could reach out and touch, but from those of the KLSF and BL as well. I could never think of turning away from either site. I'm not hurting anyone, and no one is hurting me. Katie's article shows us that there are many sides to being a Christian, and one of them shows up as a spanko. If we are wrong to write stories, read stories, and participate in real life, then we certainly are not alone. None of us are guaranteed another day on this earth. My sweet little girl of 33 years old certainly wasn't. Thanks Katie, for showing me another path to take in order to get through my grief. Thanks to the KLSF and BL as well. Pat 26 October 2012 00:18
barretthunter said...
It must have taken some courage to write this article and a lot of self-examination. Well done, Katie. That said, I'm not sure canadianspankee is right to say the description of being a Christian fits most Christians' views, especially on headship in the family. Most of the Christians I know reject the idea that the husband should be in charge in favour of an equal relationship (which might still include spanking). If challenged with the biblical quotes, they'd probably point out that St Paul and others were writing in the light of the prevalent social mores and structure of the time: for example, Paul advises slaves to be loyal to their masters and yet many Christians since have seen slavery as irreconcileable with Christianity. 26 October 2012 10:50
islandcarol said...
Your article is very thoughtfully written, Katie. You captured comments that indicate the array of views of many on the site. I giggled when I read our comments from one of the forums earlier this year. I was educated in a catholic school for 12 years and during the years between age 12 and 17 there were a number of discussions regarding consensual behavior between couples. More than one sister agreed that in a relationship between two joined by marriage any behavior or practice where both the man and woman agreed was acceptable. Back in the 60's and 70s when I was in school, Catholics were not encouraged to read the bible. The church preferred communicants to abide by the church's interpretation rather than the personal interpretation.I did not actually handle a bible until I was in college. I can tell you though, in our daily religion class there was not a great deal of emphasis on wives submitting to husbands or husbands bearing responsibility for the behavior of wives. I am aware of a current conservative organization within the catholic church who practice "tradition views" - shun birth control, set down rules for family life... I am not aware of spanking practices, but would not be surprised to learn some couples employ it- prayerfully, of course. I do not view my interest in spanking as erotic foreplay with my husband to be in conflict with my values. I respect others and generally live a moral life. Although I am sure none of my high school English teachers would approve of my spanking stories. But after all, none of us are perfect! 26 October 2012 12:42
suemary said...
What a well thought out article Katie. I see no contradiction between my Christian faith and my lifestyle which includes submission to my husband and the possibility (often a reality) of being spanked. I do see contradictions in claiming Christian faith and abuse but that is in itself a tricky issue. One generation's normal practice can quickly be defined as abuse by the next. 26 October 2012 20:38
sweetspot said...
Thank you for your thoughtful and somewhat unique article. You and I share the same world view in regards to theology and spanking. I am now a widower but in the early years of my marriage my wife would indulge my fantisies by telling me stories containing spanking as we made love. Of course, as someone with a spanking fetish, these stories would really turn me on. I would tell her an outline to a story I wanted to hear and she would wonderfully supply the narrative complete with sound effects, etc. This was a good thing particularly when we were not in the mood or able to indulge in actual spanking play. But after a while, in some of my requests, she would not be the person being spanked. Eventually she became angry and refused to role "play" or pretend to be another woman. Both of us being committed Christians I came to understand that she saw my requests as bringing another person into bed with us - a type of adultery. I wonder if you have any thoughts on this. I respected her requests. Although on special occasions she would indulge me with a little fantasy that didn't involve her own gorgeous backside. 27 October 2012 03:26
Goodgulf said...
Ephesians was radical in its day. Not for saying that women should submit to men (that was the norm of the day) but in spelling out that males had a duty to their wives. To quote from a web page: The husband is to love his wife above all other human beings. Consider Eph. 5:25 and 28. These passages teach that the husband is to be considerate and tender. The verses in Ephesians 5 teach that the husband is to cherish his wife. ---- Those passages were the groundbreaking radical literature of the day. Clearly a threat to the social order. 27 November 2012 05:21
johnm said...
I think Ephesians 5 is often interpreted through a lens of Western culture, American and European, following the norms of male domination. So what gets emphasized, unfortunately, is the concept of the male HOH. Our cultural preconceptions cause us to undervalue Eph 5:21 "submit to one another," the guiding principle for the passage. We also tend to undervalue Eph 5:25 "husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." The same New Testament writer urges us to "consider others better than yourselves" (Phil 2:3). These ideas illustrate mutual love and support and submission in the context of Christian community and Christian family. A mutually derived commitment to spank one another (or for either partner to be the spanker or the spankee) is just that--a mutually derived commitment. The spanking might be disciplinary or erotic or a mixture that might not be clearly understood. The main thing is that both parties want to participate, and to do so in ways that bring them joy, peace, and deeper love and intimacy. 23 January 2017 23:37
Redskinluver said...
It is hard for me to disassociate the Christian domestic discipline philosophy and religious fundamentaliism especially insofar as both are unaccepting of same sex relationships. 12 March 2017 17:23
Often123 said...
RE: "An interesting dilemma was posed on the site, The Intimate couple, by a woman who was married to a man who enjoyed being spanked. He didn't share that fetish with his wife for 19 years but when he finally did and managed to convince his wife to try it, she actually loved it!" I can tell you this much, my wife was a Christian and discovered she enjoyed spanking me. Yes, I had converted her from Vanilla, thank goodness she was open-minded. 22 April 2017 19:36
Artie1096 said...
This is an excellent article and sums up my beliefs pretty well! 2 August 2017 15:33
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The idea of serving as a Christian and as a spanko do conflict, I know they do for me and it is a constant fight like the author states. I get rather grumpy when someone says Christians are bad spankers, or spankos are bad Christians. That is something I think is best left up to the individual and everyone else should bud out.
The idea of headship in a Christian home is well described, a husbands rule is not as a king to a slave, it is by mutuall understanding and agreement. Just because a few men liked to get spanked does not mean they cannot be head of the house. Spankings are for when one goofs up, and every head of house I know goofs up at times, so why not just get spanked and then get on with life, however a couple defines it.
Enjoyed the article, I can tell it took a lot of thought and hard work.