The Library of Spanking Fiction: Wellred Weekly
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Articles
Items of interest regarding all things spanking
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Spanking Labels Following a recent discussion I observed which considered whether spanking should be considered as a part of BDSM or not and, as a consequence, whether tops and bottoms should be classified as sadists and masochists, I started to think about all the labels that we tend to use and specifically those of Top/bottom, dominant/submissive and sadist/masochist. My conclusions which are presented here are all based on my personal views as a mostly discipline-minded bottom and I make no attempt to suggest what might be right or wrong for anyone else. There are, after all, so many different ways that people have their lifestyle work for them and there is certainly no blanket answer to anything. So, firstly, let's take a look at an excerpt from Wikipedia's entry for BDSM which states: Activities and relationships within a BDSM context are characterized by the fact that the participants usually take on complementary, but unequal roles, thus the idea of consent of both the partners becomes essential. Typically participants who are active - applying the activity or exercising control over others - are known as tops or dominants. Those participants who are recipients of the activities, or who are controlled by their partners are typically known as bottoms or submissives. Individuals who assume either Top/dominant or bottom/submissive roles - whether from relationship to relationship or within a given relationship - are known as switches. I don't believe that a person can be simply classified by any of these terms. It may help someone to explain their kink simply be saying that they are a "spanko" but that doesn't really tell the whole story about the person or the specifics of their particular preferences within the overall category of spanking. Even under the spanko umbrella which could in turn be considered itself to be under the BDSM umbrella, there are so many directions one can take. There are many different styles of play, Top/bottom dynamics, and so forth. I call myself a bottom for lack of a better term - I'm the one on the receiving end of the spanking by that definition. But am I a submissive because I play the bottom role? Not necessarily. I do have some submissive aspects of my personality which are in keeping with the role of bottom. I guess it depends on how one chooses to define 'submissive'. I suppose I could be considered submissive in that I'm letting someone else take control and I submit to the spanking (sometimes more easily than others!). Maybe I'm just reluctant to use the term because of the negative stereotypes that have become associated with it. In other words, if I'm regarded as submissive that means you can do whatever you want to me and I'll just go along with it. And that is certainly not true. Does being a bottom mean I'm a masochist? I don't think so. It may seem odd that someone who consents to receiving spankings doesn't like pain, but I really don't. Again, this is going to be different for each of us. Some people like playful spankings, and others may like the pain of a really severe spanking. For some it can be a way to relieve stress by letting their pent up emotions out, others may find it erotic. Most of the time my own thoughts and feelings tend to be focussed on the disciplinary aspects of spanking. Things like being scolded and corner time all contribute towards a successful disciplinary spanking. The psychological aspects have an equal or even greater role than the actual spanking itself. If the spanker can actually connect with me and get in my head, that's what really makes it work for me. If I don't have that connection, then the scene isn't going to do much for me. Being in the right frame of mind for it is important and the rituals associated with the spanking can often determine that for me. When I recall the scenes that have really worked for me, I honestly can't recall how hard the actual spanking was in relation to other times that worked less well. That is not the part I remember. What does stand out in my mind though is why I was being spanked and how I was feeling while it was happening. On the flip side of that, should tops be considered sadists? Well, as a spankee myself I'm not sure I can give an unbiased response to that question as I'm unable to explore that perspective quite so easily. However, I do know what some Tops have told me about their own thoughts and feelings. One person who favors disciplinary spanking said that the most satisfying scenes for him are the ones where he feels he has been able to connect with his partner and for that to happen, it's really more about the emotional and psychological aspects that go along with the spanking, not about how hard he spanks. The spanking itself has to be hard enough to make an impression but it's still only one small piece of the total jigsaw puzzle. I think that viewpoint hits the nail squarely on the head for me. Of course, Tops have as many different variations on what they get out of it as bottoms do but since I'm just not as familiar with that side of things then please feel free to share your opinion. On the subject of pain within spanking, Margaret Davis at the Spanking Club of New York has written: "Pain is not as big a part of the punishment as people think. A serious spanking scene - one that makes a submissive feel humble and forgiven - takes carefully crafted mental and verbal skills that pierce their way into the heart and mind of the one who is over your lap. I don't have all the answers but perhaps the bottom line (pun intended) should be do what you enjoy the way you want to do it, be a safe player, and to hell with the labels.  5 comments:
PinkAngel said...
A very interesting article, thank you. I dislike labels and think we should all just be seen as individual people with individual likes and needs. 29 August 2012 14:04
AlanBarr said...
I'm sure that many spankos would agree with Lea (as I do) that the terms sadist/masochist or dominant/submissive don't particularly apply to them. I don't particularly like the labels top/bottom/switch but they obviously serve a useful purpose. However, they don't tell the whole story as there's also the question of gender preferences, for which I once suggested the new set of labels: "heterospanxual", "homospanxual" or "bispanxual". 29 August 2012 15:56
bendover said...
I agree that because a person, male or female, who likes to be spanked does not make them a masochist. A person who likes to spank does not really qualify them with the title sadist either. My view of a true masochist is a person you see on the Internet with their ass beat red and raw. My view of a true sadist is one who is standing behind that person with the implement. Only a true masochist would enjoy that type of punishment, and only a true sadist would enjoy giving it like that. The Marquis DeSade once said, “Sex without pain is like food without taste.” Well, that was his opinion and we can thank De’Sade for the label ‘sadist.’ The funny part about this type of thing is that the top is more than often manipulated by the bottom to spank. Now, who is leading who around by the ring in the nose? I believe that most spanko’s in the LSF are just that, spanko’s. I doubt we have a person here who would be willing to beat someone bloody, or one who would like to be beaten to a bloody pulp. I know for a fact in the BL the topic came up and it was a true negative. This was a great article. Another eye opener. It says to the Marquis . . . food for thought. 30 August 2012 01:00
TomHobbes said...
Nicely thought out and written. Is it not a matter of degree when one speaks of SM . . . and spanking? And we all draw the line between the two at a different point. I think labels are useful since I do have pretty specific interests and like to know before I take on a story whether the spanker is male or female, adult or under age, and so on. 30 August 2012 17:54
KJM said...
I enjoy spanking female buttocks, the sound of the spanking, her moans and the changing colors of the spanked globes. Does it make me a sadist? Possibly, because I am hurting intentionally my partner and getting my pleasure from it. I know that there's much more in TTWD than a simple label can express. It can't express all the emotions that flow between the partners and the nuances of their feelings. But this is common to all words that try to capture the complex range of human emotions. Very well written and as you said, "to hell with the labels", 3 September 2012 03:53
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