I agree wholeheartedly. Women in my stories are never abused, either verbally or physically ( unless, of course, there is a villain). No one is ever called a "slut" or a "whore". This trend may be a holdover from the days of rough porn if indeed, it is coming back. I hope not. Certainly not in the spanking community, I hope. I for one will always treat my heroines with respect and affection. This is what you will see in my stories.

Respect! Thanks for wisely indignant words. I agree with all you say, but for the one reservation that it might be part of some women's turn-on to be verbally abased or humiliated with the kind of epithets you so rightly deplore; in which case, each to his own. But I would agree that such tastes are best not broadcast, and I too would worry a little for the balance in such a woman's psyche.

I agree, to an extent. However, there are many men and women who enjoy fantasies of sexual humiliation, subjugation, and objectification. Some girls really do get off on being punished for being "sluts" and "whores," within the context of roleplay. I think these people deserve some spanking stories and porn that caters to their fantasies as much as anyone else. I also think that even some of the more tame spanking stories, taken at face value, endorse a problematic worldview.

I think the only solution is to make the distinction between fantasy and reality very clear. With these types of erotica, the writer/filmaker and consumer should be entering a contract together to put aside the real world and descend into a seperate one that can never and should never exist outside of the fiction. Authors should call attention to the unreality of their stories either via disclaimer, or by making the narrative itself unmistakably fantastical (personally, I use a heavy dose of self-parody when writing such stories). Filmmakers should include respectful bios of their actors and actresses on the sites, and tag the edgier videos as such.

Spanko porn star and producer Pandora Blake once suggested that edgier videos should end with a little interview with the stars, in which they talk about their feelings about the shoot and explain their feelings about the fantasy vs reality of it. Pandora is a smart woman who says smart things.

I have to agree with the nasty name calling during a spanking session. There is really no room for it in certain stories, but there are those who thrive on being both physically dressed down, and verbally dressed down. Unfortunately there are those of each gender who will, for lack of better words, (get off on it).

I like this statement:

I've always taken care to construct plots with some degree of plausibility. Situations in which there is another 'way out', should the spankee choose not to submit.

I'm one of those authors who does the same. This means males who are to be punished by women. I don't care much for the bullying of a man by a 5'2" 115lb female, where the male is 6'2" and 195lbs. "I'll tie you down, Don't let me come over there and get you." This just doesn't seem very plausible to me either. Of course where the woman is the spankee, it's a totally different thing. Of course he can overpower her. Should he? Well, it's up to the author.

I digress here from the article, but I guess some may get my point.

This article really pinpoints some of the finer details of the good and evils in TTWD, and there are a few to pin down.

I couldn't agree more. If a woman wishes to allow herself to be spanked then she should be treated with respect and courtesy. This is part of the reason I don't write a lot of M/F, but when I do it's generally in the context of a loving consensual relationship where the participants respect and love each other.

I agree for the most part with Darren but many stories revolve around a woman being punished for slutish behavior so what do you do with that? You don't mention the despised C word which is just as well. Above all else respect is key and using a woman's body as a whiteboard is way offside!

I think that anyone who shows a disrespect for others, whether a woman or a man or even a child, is showing others just how boorish he/she really is, and they are usually lacking in having any respect for themselves. I also found that most sites that do have a arrogrant rude attitude toward women tend more toward the BDSM side of things, but I may be wrong on this.

Respect for others will usually garner respect for the one who gives it, and all of us usually want to be respected.

A good article and one it may cause some to re-think their attitudes, which could be a very good thing.

I have some of the same worries. I frequent a general bdsm-site which (at least from my perspective) is dominated by the slut-slave-bitch school (the only reason I am still there, is that it is the only functioning meeting place in the country). Over the years I have seen several examples of how the terminology of the site has changed the way young girls think of themselves and their sexuality, and some of my stories were actually written as an attempt to introduce a different perspective: My "project" has been (and still is) to explore how consensual spanking may work in relationships build on equity and respect.

But, as others have already pointed out, we need to be a bit careful. There obviously are people who find verbal abuse just as exciting as we find spanking, and they do, of course, have the same right to enjoy their fetish as we do. I think the only thing we can do, is work to make our perspective more visible in stories and discussions.

Thank you for this article but it is not just online. Among some teenagers the boys have fallen into a habit of calling all girls bitches, sluts and otehr similar names. Verbal abuse is fine if that is what you want but it it mustn't become a generalised mind set.

This article makes some very good points. I can see no good reason for degrading people by using base and insulting language towards them and I would have no respect for anyone who spoke to me like that. I think respect is lacking in general in this day and age and I think it is a great shame.

I don't think I have ever consciously demeaned women in any of my spanking stories - if they get spanked it's because they deserved it for crossing for some accepted behavioural boundary or were kinky and enjoyed or provoked it. However, I know women who love Domestic Discipline, others who play with Daddies and Uncles and some whose chosen scene name concerns the word "slut". I was very uncomfortable at a play munch when I didn't know one lady's real name and had to call her by this!

But that's their choice - I was talking to another young woman with "slut" in her scene name this week and she admits that she receives whole heaps of the "kneel before me, bitch" kind of "friendship requests"(!). Fortunately she is active locally and can observe spanko men who treat people with respect, but it's a bit of an invitation to rather silly would-be online sexual predators.

There is a tendency in pornography to view women as objects! Which is detestable and sad but predictable! I mean it is not as if the producers of porn are artistic sensitive types. As for the games people play I think it is up to the individuals involved. If the woman enjoys being called a slut or a bitch it is entirely up to her. You can't proscribe peoples sexual behavior just because it doesn't appeal to you otherwise someone will be telling us that consensual spanking is abuse. On the other hand I do hate all that whips and chains slavery stuff! And on a personal level if any woman had ever asked me to address her as slut I should run a mile.

Yes, Laurel, I certainly agree with you. All women at all times should be respected. Yes, I sure love to spank their bare bottoms, be it for pleasure, or punishment. But I respect each and every one of these ladies. And will for ever more.

A very good point. Certainly, I think there's room for those women who do find being verbally degraded and dressed-down to be appealing as part of a spanking to experience that in their own relationships, so long as the degrading talk is clearly part of the "game" and doesn't go further. It's not my kink, but I respect that if it's yours. But that situation is very different than someone making the same comments about an anonymous model on the internet. Someone offering up her bottom for a spanking is not also offering up her dignity and opening herself up to personal ridicule at the same time.

I agree that the spankee should be treated with dignity. There are some spanking sites out there where the spanker is just down right mean to the model. Name calling, slapping in the face and such. These kinds of things just turn me right off. No women (or male spankee) should be treated like this and on sites that display this, even though it is probably a role play situation, I still am turned off.

You make some important points here and I think that as writers it is important to keep respect at the forefront. What people may consent to do in real life is one thing, and respect is important there too, but as writers who are creating fictional accounts which may be a reader's first exposure to spanking or spanking fiction (and even if it's not their first) I think it's important to maintain a high standard.

Also, just curious as to whether the language you describe might be generational? Those of us who recall George Carlin's Seven Words You Can't Say (or whatever it was called) might have a different attitude toward certain words than is generally accepted with younger people.

I can see by the number of thoughtful comments that your piece struck a communal nerve. Although I am not a prude, I dislike reading tough guy abusive language in spanking stories and endeavor to handle my spanking characters in a respectful way. I find mean, abusive treatment disturbing and reminiscent of the wife abuse I frequently witnessed in the working class neighborhood where I grew up. This is a complex topic and as others stated, some readers and spankees find abusive language a turn on. I suspect there will always be readers who enjoy and demand an edgier plot. I, on the other hand find considerate language even in the face of an extreme punishment administered with consent a more interesting contrast. It also takes more skill and effort to pull off.
Well done!

Having read the article and the various comments, I find myself still in full agreement with Darren, in that respect is a basic requirement of a successful relationship be it involving spanking or any other activity. Provided it is by mutual agreement. If what others may see as insults are your thing, then so be it. It is when name-calling and insults are a pleasure for only one half of the relationship, it becomes a different scenario. Bullying, victimization and abuse is offensive to me and I assume to most people. Any verbal or physical activity between consenting adults however is entirely their business. This is why we have the power of choice, I respect that choice.

It seems we are all mostly in agreement here. To my mind the use of words suchas "Bitch" or "Slut" are nearly always meant as demeaning insults and really should have no place in our interactions with each other. I sometimes wonder whether those who use them regularly are deep down frightened of women.

My preferences are in line with Lauren's, and all commentators above. In fact, I think men should be treated with respect as well as women. I don't enjoy humiliation in any shape or form. I like loving domination. But here's the thing. Some people, including spankos, do like nastiness or even cruelty, at least in fiction. I wouldn't want to ban stories that cater to their kink, but I avoid them.