The Library of Spanking Fiction: Wellred Weekly
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Articles
Items of interest regarding all things spanking
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My Experience of 'Coming out' Coming out - just the words can be charged with emotion. The experience can be frightening or liberating, but often a bit of both. This is true no matter what aspect of one's identity is being revealed. The most common use of the term applies to sexual orientation, but nowadays, coming out can refer to anything seen as unpopular or beyond the norm: alcoholism, smoking, religious persuasion, political leaning, any number of things. This article focuses on coming out as a spanko - or, more accurately, being outed as a spanko - and some of the repercussions. There can be as many different reactions and levels of acceptance as there are people and situations, so I am relying on my own experiences. As a bit of background, I am now divorced, but was married for over twenty years to the most upstanding, moral, and repressed man on Earth. My children are grown and out on their own. I fully embraced the fact that I was a spanko relatively recently, only within the last few years. The only people who knew were a very close friend and then my husband, who let the cat out of the bag, not trying to be vindictive (at least I don't think so) but as a way of dealing with his own confusion. Family My marriage certainly wasn't a perfect one. (Is there such a thing?) It was, in some ways, dysfunctional, but I would probably still be married today if I had kept quiet about this. After I discovered the strength of my desire to be spanked, I tried to share it with him for two reasons. First, I thought it might help our relationship, might bring us closer. And second, I did not feel that it was right to keep it a secret from him. I started by asking him to watch Secretary with me, then tried to discuss it. He found it disgusting and said that any woman who wanted to be treated that way was disgusting as well. When I told him that I identified with the character, he said he didn't know me anymore. He had no interest in trying it, even to make me happy. He began to sneer, make snide remarks and cruel jokes, accuse me of affairs, and generally make life miserable. The level of mutual trust and respect dwindled to almost nothing. He confided in everyone who would listen, putting his own spin on it and trying to find someone to explain it to him, but of course, no one could. He was not prepared to accept any explanation. He finally decided he couldn't live with me anymore and filed for divorce. One of my children became upset after a visit from his dad and cut off communication with me for a long while. I have no way of knowing exactly what, or how much, he was told, but at times he has expressed utter contempt for me. There is hope now, and I pray that he is coming around. Friends and Acquaintances After my ex's polling of our mutual friends, most became scarce. In fact, of all the people we knew together, only a couple remain who will talk with me beyond a perfunctory greeting. Naturally, just being divorced can make some people take sides, so I'm sure his revelation wasn't the deciding factor for all of them. I do know, however, that it was for some. Friends and acquaintances have tended to fall into one of four groups: those who want to judge me, those who are accepting but distant, those who want to save me, and those who support me. Interestingly enough, those who have been most judgmental are also the ones who have stretched the truth and manufactured outright lies. At least two of them blocked me from a certain social network - no big loss. But one particularly venomous woman persuaded my oldest friend, someone I knew since childhood and thought of as a sister, to entertain people at a party with salacious, and totally untrue, tales about all my perceived perversions, including supposedly publishing nude S&M-type photos of myself online. Anyone who knows me, knows that is preposterous! I was shocked and hurt by this betrayal more than anything else. Some refuse to believe what they have been told, and some adopt a live-and-let-live attitude. Two people who attended that party, one a man and the other a woman, told me they refused to listen but that it wouldn't have mattered to them even if it had been true. They are the ones who made me aware of the incident. I am very thankful for them. Most who adopt this attitude, however, just don't care. And that is okay, too. Then there are those who believe that I am a mission field. One of my very sweet, and well-meaning, former co-workers repeatedly invites me to church now. This isn't a bad thing, but she never did it before, and she is not someone to whom I have been particularly close. I'm sure it is unintentional, but I get that condescending vibe from her. And my ex is still trying to persuade me to seek counseling to find out what is wrong with me and get myself straightened out. Not surprisingly, the smallest group consists of the genuine friends who know about my proclivity for spankings and still accept me at face value. I can count those people on one hand with fingers left over, but I know that they love me and that I have their support no matter what. Employment I don't personally have experience with this issue as it relates to an employer, as I work privately. But in talking with someone who elected to come out at work, I learned that two of the most important considerations are the type of job and the employer's anti-discrimination policy. The general workplace atmosphere - whether it is informal or rigid, easy-going or stilted, accepting or vindictive - is also key. Of course, if outed by someone else, there isn't any choice but to deal with the situation as it presents itself. Isolation and Depression Isolation and depression form a vicious cycle, each feeding off the other. Everyone needs someone to confide in, especially when dealing with stress. The sense of isolation when there is no one to listen or it seems that no one understands, and the resulting depression, are the greatest dangers of any major life change, especially one so delicate as revealing this sort of deeply held secret. Even with a support system, is is very easy to slip into bouts of loneliness and depression.According to Sr. Stephen Llardi, Ph.D., author of The Depression Cure, citing a study performed by Duke University: "Remarkably, 25% of Americans have no meaningful social support at all - not a single person they can confide in. And over half of all Americans report having no close confidants or friends outside their immediate family." This is a sad and surprising statistic. There are many reasons for social isolation and lack of meaningful relationships, and countless books and articles on how to remedy the situation, but that is beyond the scope of this article. Conclusion Am I sorry things unfolded as they did for me? No. Even had I been able to foresee what would happen, I think I would have still tried to broach the subject at home. While I wouldn't likely have confided in others, it is freeing to know that I needn't worry now if someone should find out. I discovered that I am strong enough to handle the rejection of narrow-minded people. I learned who my real friends are, and just as important, who are not. And, in many ways, I am happier than ever. 50 comments
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