The Library of Spanking Fiction: Wellred Weekly


Wellred Weekly
Volume 2, Number 2 : August 19, 2013
 
Articles
Items of interest regarding all things spanking

Spanking For Jesus? A Refutation
by Jason's Girl

This article relates to an item that was featured in the Daily Beast on 19th Jun 2013 entitled Spanking for Jesus: Inside the Unholy World of 'Christian Domestic Discipline' which can be found here.
Recently, the Daily Beast interviewed Clint and Chelsea from Learning Domestic Discipline. Not surprisingly, the interview painted quite a negative picture of DD. I was happy to see Clint and Chelsea gave their sides of the story and I commend them for putting themselves on the line like this. Subsequently, there's been a surge of interest in Domestic Discipline, both negative and positive but as I read the article it angered me. There are so many things wrong with it that it's hard to even know where to begin.

The article itself went viral, the Huffington Post caught on, and the witch hunt for men who spank their wives went into full swing. I believe it's important to refute such an article as there are a great many people like myself who desire DD, who benefit from DD, but have deep-seated reservations. They wonder if they're normal and whether there might be something wrong with them. I am part of a couple who practice Domestic Discipline and would never want to stop. I am, however, by no means an abused wife - in fact, I feel loved, cherished and cared for, and my marriage of over a decade has never been better. So here's a refutation from someone in the trenches.

When I first read the article Spanking for Jesus, the initial thought going through my mind was, "But what about consent?" The writer of this article, Ms. Zadrozny, seems to have spent some time in the world of DD, on blogs and forums, reading just enough to paint an inaccurate picture, but not enough to really know what she's talking about. Journalism at its best, eh?

There are many issues I have with this article, but I'll begin with the first three: Consent, consent, consent. Did it escape your notice, Ms. Zadrozny, that the vast majority of couples who practice DD do so because the wife desired it? There is a phrase we in the DD community use: SSC DD - Safe, Sane, Consensual Domestic Discipline. This is not Ned Flanders spanking his wife because she burnt supper and Jesus told him to teach her a thing or two. Good grief. This is a practice used by couples who desire to grow closer together by embracing traditional roles. Period.

The second major issue I have with this article is that the huge majority of Christians who practice DD do not do so because they think Jesus wants them to. How do I know this? Because I've spent a good deal of time in the community. There are many couples who practice DD who are Christian - they believe the husband is the head of the house and that the Bible endorses this concept. They believe DD brings them closer together and is a means of making their marriage stronger but there are very few couples who believe DD is commanded by scripture. There are some that do, and if it works for them, I'm not going to rock that boat but this is by no means the norm within DD circles. Not even close. In fact, off the top of my head, I can name several dozen couples I know who are Christians who practice DD, and not a single one of them believe DD is commanded by scripture. My husband and I certainly fit into this category.

The third major issue I have, which is perhaps the most disturbing accusation of all, revolves around the accusation of abuse. According to Ms. Zadrozny's misguided opinion, husbands who spank their wives are no different from men who beat their wives. Is there the potential that a man given the power to discipline his wife could abuse that power? Yes, of course. There's also the potential that a loving husband making love to his wife could rape her.

A horrifying thought? It is. Frankly, the thought of their husbands abusing them is just as horrifying to a DD couple as the thought of a husband raping his wife. Abuse is motivated by control. Domestic Discipline is motivated by love. Abuse forces one's will on another but Domestic Discipline is based on mutual consent. Abuse belittles and demeans whilst Domestic Discipline draws a couple closer together. Abuse is based on fear but Domestic Discipline is based on trust.

So no, Ms. Zadrozny, we are not abused women. In fact, it must've been pretty damn hard for you to dig through the piles of blogs of happy DD couples to find the select few who say it doesn't work for them. They do exist, of course, because we are human and people make mistakes. Not everyone is perfect and just as marriage does not always work out for everyone, certainly a DD arrangement isn't going to work out for everyone. The reasons are many and varied but to equate DD with domestic violence? Puh-lease. Not by a long shot. In fact, Kat from "My Contented Home" gives a beautiful illustration about the difference between the abuse she suffered in the past and the loving marriage she now has, in a marriage that incorporates Domestic Discipline. Oh and if anyone gives credence to the supposed 'mental health experts' quoted in this article, I urge you to go on over and read the View of a Mental Health Professional in a DD relationship of her own!

Now for the accusation that this is all about a sexual fetish. Let's be honest, there is no question of the erotic appeal of Domestic Discipline, none whatsoever. Most people agree that being taken in hand is hot. In my humble opinion, the vast majority of DD couples never would have agreed to a DD arrangement if it were not for the erotic undertones. Being punished is not hot. We'll save the real sexy stuff for the good girl spankings. If this were all about sex, there would be no benefit other than a few good orgasms. But couples who are in a DD relationship report so much more than that. When a couple takes the steps to define their roles in a more traditional light, a funny thing happens. They find themselves drawn closer together and marital discord becomes a thing of the past. Although intimacy increases astronomically there is far more at play here than hanky spanky games.

The fact remains, women want real men. We need look no further than popular books and movies to prove this fact. Who are the most popular male leads? The alpha males. What is the appeal of Christian Gray, I ask? He is a sexy dominant man and women want real men. We want men who take charge. Deep in our bones we want to know we are with a man who will protect us even when that means protecting us from ourselves.

Of course there are no brick and mortar Domestic Discipline churches, as the article puts it, because it's not a religion - it's not even a lifestyle! It is a personal, private choice a couple makes. My husband and I share our DD arrangement with very few people we know in real life, not because we are ashamed, or because it's embarrassing, but because it is a highly personal decision, like sharing intimate, personal details of our sex life.

The article states that people who practice DD are a secretive group and I'd consider this to be absolutely correct. However, the reason given for the anonymity is completely off base. Ms. Zadrozny suggest it is because we are largely ashamed of our choices, and because we want to keep lying to ourselves about the real reasons we desire DD. Not true, Ms. Zadrozny. I don't keep my identity hidden because I'm ashamed of my choices. I keep my identity hidden because of people like you.

For those of you who desire DD look deeper than the outrageous accusations in this article. You are not alone. For those of you in a DD relationship, if this works for you, give no thought to those like Ms. Zadronzy who misunderstand and misrepresent. If this works for you, do it, and know you are not alone.


Jasons's Girl writes for The Taming of the Shrew blog:
 
15 comments:
canadianspankee said...
I did not read the original article, however we have heard a similar rant on many aspects of spanking throughout the years, and all of them are so far off base it does make one mad, just as Jason's Girl is here.

Where these ones get the idea they can go about sticking their noses into other peoples family affairs and think they have the right to judge is way beyond me.

Well said here Jason's Girl, I admire your spirit and your determination to live your life as you choose, not as others dictate.
20 August 2013 01:31
KJM said...
I read Ms Zadrozny piece and it stroked me as a biased poor journalism with an agenda. I am sorry for the time I spent reading it.

It doesn't matter if a couple practice spanking as a foreplay or as a discipline, as long as it is consensual, other people have no right to be judgmental and much less try to interfere.

Well written article, Jason's Girl.
20 August 2013 03:59
bendover said...
The spare the rod term can go very badly for some DD relationships. I imagine some people just don't understand the concept of it wanting to happen that way, and to life that lifestyle. Some people may call that style abusive, but those in that lifestyle have a voice and I'm glad when they use it.
20 August 2013 18:02
PinkAngel said...
I hate badly sourced news items that have been spun to give the opinion wanted rather than the truth. I share a lot of your thoughts and opinions about DD but I am not religious. I enjoyed reading this, thank you very much...
22 August 2013 20:31
Malcatraz said...
It's unfortunate when misinformation distorts perceptions. The reporter you mentioned is obviously more interested in pushing her agenda than finding the truth
23 August 2013 05:57
mati said...
I agree with you about the quality of Mrs. Zadrozny's article. It's just disinformation and I really missed at least one mentioning of the "consent"-aspect.
1 September 2013 14:19
islandcarol said...
There seem to be a great deal of generalizations in Mrs. Zadrozny's article which make me suspicious of this entire lifestyle. Domestic violence and abuse has been rising these last few years; especially since the economy has faltered. These changes place more stress on families and it seems to be women who take the brunt of .these difficult times. I am always suspicious when a single individual takes complete charge in a family and accepts no imput.
14 January 2014 11:10
CrimsonKidCK said...
Indeed, the issue of consent is the critical one in any spanking-oriented relationship, whether it be DD, erotic play, or a Spenser Spanking Plan type of situation.

If Ms. Zadroznky can't make the key distinction between a physically abusive marriage and one involving consensual spanking, then she's missed the crucial point... --C.K.
17 January 2014 05:53
blimp said...
Live life as you chose. Whatever works for you. Last time someone turned up at our house and asked to speak to the head of the household my wife shoulder charged me out the way. However you must have consent I agree although from a personal viewpoint I prefer decision making within my own family to involve everyone. Never fancied the being the head of anything. Love that line from A Greek Wedding, a man is the head of the family but a woman is the neck!
18 January 2014 00:04
SinclairMP said...
There are two things you don't discuss at a bar: politics* and religion. Unfortunately for the author of the article, spanking lands square in the middle. She had no hope of capturing the whole story in a way that satisfied everyone.

*Politics here includes both how to deal with criminal acts such as abuse, as well as gender politics.
29 January 2014 00:26
thurston56 said...
I hated all the generalizations in Mrs .Zadrozny's article . She doesn't know me or why we do what we do nor does she want too. You beautifully spread out her words and filled in all the appropriate actions.
30 September 2015 00:42
RosieCheeks said...
The journalist, forensic psychologist and the womens shelter worker all have their own agendas, not least being financial, either by writing the article, selling a book or indeed working at the shelter, so article is hardly impartial, of course sensationalism gets you noticed, boring facts do not.

Consenting adults should live their lives as they choose, if that is via a male Head of House being able to discipline his wife and she is consenting, then no one has legal, moral or ethical right to interfere.

5 October 2015 23:15
R42dragon said...
I read Mrs. Zadrozny's article, and found it to be complete garbage! I wouldn't blame her for simply being wary of DD relationships. Is it possible for them to be abusive? Hell Yes! Should any woman ever be forced into a DD relationship? HELL NO! But her refusal to accept that when the arrangement is done right it's purely consentual is infuriating! Your rebutal is 100% right on the mark!
4 September 2018 06:24
Hardwood said...
There is so much fake news, slanted news, under-reported news, and partial news offered nowadays, that one can no longer trust the mass media. Responsible readers must do their own researching, collecting, and sorting of information. This is a lot of work!

DD couples who wish for public approval must band together, and use the internet to publish their message on a broad scale. DD wives, volunteering to work with truly abused women, at shelters and the like, can help spread the message that safe, sane, and consensual, DD is not abuse.
5 November 2018 03:09
TheEnglishMaster said...
A well-argued defence of DD, laying out the nature and benefits of it in a clear and persuasive manner. Bravo (and Brava!).
15 November 2018 19:22

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