The Library of Spanking Fiction: Wellred Weekly


Wellred Weekly
Volume 1, Number 1 : November 1, 2011
 
Articles
Items of interest regarding all things spanking

Domestic Discipline: Lifestyle Choice or Bit of Fun?
by PinkAngel

This article is based on my own personal take on Domestic Discipline (DD). It is something my husband and I use in our marriage and as such I researched the topic at length when I first considered it as a way of life. This article is based on my thoughts, my research, and how I have found things to be, but with an understanding that things can work differently for others.

DD is basically an agreement between two consenting adults designed to implement a system of rules and consequences. These rules and consequences will vary considerably but should the rules be broken the consequences will consist of some kind of punishment enforced by one of the parties. These rules and consequences can work in both directions for some people but for most it will go in one direction only. The idea is that these rules and consequences form a natural part of day to day life and strengthen a relationship, enabling unwanted behaviour to be discouraged in a consistent manner.

It is often assumed that people who agree to submit to the rules within a DD relationship are weak or unintelligent, lacking in confidence or looking for a parental figure. While this may be the case in some instances, many people who choose this lifestyle are intelligent, vibrant, mature adults who still find the structure and routine of DD useful. Unless decided between the parties concerned at the outset there is no reason why the relationship cannot be one of equals, so long as the rules are adhered to. It is a supportive routine, designed to help people be their very best. One would expect the kind of person who agrees to implement the consequences within a DD relationship to be one who cares for their partner (for want of a better word), who wants to ensure that both are happy and healthy within their relationship and who wants to ensure the smooth running of their lives.

The kind of punishments that are used can vary considerably. Anything from corner-time to mouth-soaping, a spanking or an early bed time. A ban on computer time can also be used as well as line or essay writing. Of course, a combination of some or all of these is entirely possible. The couple's imagination and agreement is the only limit. Whatever is agreed upon needs to be something that the other person would find unpleasant since there is no point in having someone purposely breaking rules to 'get what they want'. Bratting is not a part of DD.

The rules that can be used within a DD relationship are many and varied and could in theory consist of just a single rule; alternatively there may be a comprehensive list of different rules. Irrespective of the number of rules, they must be agreed to by both parties, as must the potential punishments. It is important to review a DD agreement regularly and ensure that it is working as it should for all parties involved. Rules should ideally be written down, along with the consequences. That way there can be no arguments about what is right or wrong.

Not following through when a rule is broken can damage the agreement, unless of course there is a very good reason for not doing so. Equally, breaking rules on purpose to get a punishment is liable to cause problems within a DD relationship. It is important not to be completely inflexible but equally it is vital to be consistent. I realise that may seem like a contradiction in terms but as an example, say one of your rules is that you must be home by 7pm... if you fall down and break your leg at 6.45pm and so have to be picked up from hospital at 9pm, this is hardly a wilful breaking of the rule (or of your poor leg) and as such it would be unreasonable and promote resentment, to punish purely because the rule was broken.

It is an individual choice whether a safe word be considered appropriate for a DD punishment. We do not have a safe word ourselves but I trust my husband implicitly and know that he would never do anything to endanger me or cause me actual harm. It is probably a good idea to have one in most cases though, after all you may never need it but it is always there just in case.

So, how Does DD differ from BDSM or other forms of spanking? DD is designed to stop or alter unwanted behaviour and to strengthen a relationship and is not intended to be sexual. BDSM is, in general, performed more for the mutual enjoyment and often the sexual pleasure of both parties. I suppose it is hard to draw a definite line between the two but there is no reason why someone who practises BDSM, or spanking, should not also have a DD relationship, the two should, however, be kept separate.

My husband and I have lived within a DD relationship for nearly three years now but I can't actually recall the last time I was in serious trouble. Without having implemented DD it is highly unlikely I would be as happy and settled as I currently am, as personal issues of the past would most likely have resurfaced. Spankings are a frequent occurrence in our household but these are not part of our DD life. For us DD is not about curfews or other more day to day things, it is about the serious issues that can affect and ruin a relationship. Without giving too much personal detail, the rules we use are designed to prevent me from causing what I perceive to be a certainty - that everyone will leave me at some point and so I may as well push them into doing so and get it over and done with. This is destructive and damaging behaviour, but not something you can just change easily, it takes help, support and yes, sometimes discipline, but it has certainly worked for us.

When we first started following a DD lifestyle we were both a bit awkward about it. Would it work? Would I allow it to? I believe it can only work if both sides want it to and I wanted to feel more secure in my life and so I was, and am, fully committed to it, although it can be hard to submit sometimes. Over time it becomes more natural and now I rarely even consider our choice of lifestyle, it just is... if that makes sense.

In conclusion I find that DD can be useful as part of a chosen lifestyle and is not to be taken lightly. If you are looking for fun then this is probably not the format in which to find it. It can however, when used in a safe, sane and consensual manner, lead to a strong relationship and can help bring two people closer. I would strongly recommend anyone who is tempted to give it a go, do lots of research and find out as much as you can so that you know exactly what you are letting yourself in for!
 
40 comments:
TheEnglishMaster said...
Thank you so much - fascinating, enlightening and very honest. I'd known very little about what a DD rel could look like before reading this. I'd certainly assumed spanking must be part of it, but of course, as you say, if one enjoys being spanked then that defeats the purpose, and it becomes merely a game. I sympathise so much with the 'pushing people away' pattern you mention; I guess we all do it a bit, but when it derives from a deep-seated fear of abandonment it can become, as you say, self-destructive of one's happiness, and a powerful self-fulfilling prophecy. I am so glad DD is working well for you.
2 November 2011 21:59
DannySwottem5 said...
A very frank, honest account and one which gives the reader an insight into a certain lifestyle, a lifestyle which, if explored sensibly and consensually, would reap rich rewards for the people involved. I know little of this lifestyle but my awareness and knowledge of it has been greatly enhanced by this excellent article. Thank you Pink Angel.
2 November 2011 22:44
Janine said...
This was really an insightful and interesting glimpse into a DD relationship, something I didn't understand too well. Thanks for helping to illuminate what's involved. So glad this works well for you and your husband.
3 November 2011 01:20
corncrake said...
Well done for writing such a clear and objective article on this often misunderstood topic. I admire your honesty in presenting the choices and explaining how it works in your relationship, and I hope it continues to do so. Thank you.
3 November 2011 12:03
sugarmouse said...
Absolutely fascinating. Thanks!
6 November 2011 16:08
dlw said...
My husband and I have been married for 20+ years and began our DD lifestyle about 3 years ago. It has made our relationship even stronger. Thank you for writing about your DD relationship. It affirms that there are other couples out there that are involved in DD. :)
7 November 2011 00:39
AlanBarr said...
I was deeply impressed by the honesty of this article. It also made me feel slightly guilty, as I've always been rather sceptical - even scathing - about DD, believing there was something contradictory about it, eg punishing someone who likes being spanked by spanking them. but this article addressed that issue, and put the whole thing on a more rational level. Honest, sincere first-hand experience carries a lot of weight, so I may have to alter my opinions, which is probably good for me, so thanks, Pink :)
8 November 2011 00:48
anitalynn said...
Thank you for the info. I am so glad all is going well with you and yours. :)
10 November 2011 16:43
canadianspankee said...
Interesting article, a DD relationship certainly works for the author and that is the most important thing. I would gather every DD relationship is the same but different in every household, who gets spanked and for what could vary greatly. A marrige today has a lot of strains placed on it and everything done to ease those pressures will assist in making the marriage last longer and the two people happier, what more could one want?
25 January 2012 18:27
billboard said...
It's amazing how well things can work when mature people live with integrity within a framework of rules and structure. Thanks for sharing, Pink.
26 January 2012 02:25
westviking said...
An interesting article. Thank you for sharing.
29 January 2012 09:20
islandcarol said...
I think I must have read your article in the Weekly and commented. I appreciate your thoughtful honesty. These stories portray DD as entertainment not as a planned, purposeful lifestyle. Your relationship sounds exactly right for you and your partner and in the right circumstances, for many others. Thank you for your article, Pink.
IC.
30 January 2012 03:06
littlejeff said...
Thanks for pointing out that there is more to Domestic Discipline than one spouse spanking - or hurting - the other. People can still engage in activities involving spankings. However, some of these activities fall outside the scope of DD. You also listed a few non-corporal methods of punishments. Each one, by itself, can be effective. Combinations using corporal and non-corporal punishments can be quite effective.
31 January 2012 02:53
silkyslim said...
Wow! What an honest description of DD that has worked for you and has strengthened your relationship. Your intelligence is obvious by your well-above average writing and reasoning skills. I used to spank my ex-wife, but more as foreplay and was never really in a DD relationship. But I find the idea quite interesting, and you have nothing to be shamed or awkward about. You are happy and DD has helped you to be fulfilled sexually, emotionally, and psychologically - CONGRATULATIONS.
By the way, abandonment is one of my issues too. Being left by lovers, and exes is the hardest thing in the world, and it sounds like you're past that. So, be proud of yourself.
9 February 2012 09:31
naughtyhousewife said...
Great take on the lifestyle. Wish I had a chance to practice it in RL. Thanks for posting.
11 March 2012 00:11
Kay2ks said...
Thank you for writing. You describe the relationship I desire, but do not have, but I can and do enjoy the stories about this theme.
29 March 2012 20:43
lyubon said...
Very interesting. Thank you for the info.
20 May 2012 13:51
flowerchild said...
I was very impressed by this article. Thank you very much for sharing this. fc
23 May 2012 12:00
amandaleigh said...
My hubs and I dabble with DD, I really enjoy the DD stories.
29 May 2012 17:15
hairbrushedhubby said...
Very interesting and I echo what both canadianspankee and littlejeff had to say.
5 June 2012 20:33
JessicaK said...
"What I perceive to be a certainty" - I teared up a bit at this. Resonates very powerfully. I've had this certainty. DD or spanking of any sort is not going to happen in my marriage, and thank heavens I've put a lot of my abandonment issues to bed, but I remember fantasizing scenarios along these lines many times. Thanks for writing so honestly about your own experience.
24 June 2012 04:22
karoicanada said...
Thank you for a very informative and understandable article on DD. I've had a blurry picture of it, as sort of all-encompassing and linked to christianity. Your article gave me a much better understanding of what it is, and what it isn't. Thanks again!
27 June 2012 21:41
nibra said...
Thnk you Pink for your article. I was married for nearly 60 years but never came across DD or even spanking until after my wife died. Reading what you wrote I am convinced that had we discovered what you did we would have had an even more satisfactory relationship. Unfortunately it is not too likely that I will be doing that much practical investigation now , it will all have to be in the mind. Nevertheless I I found your article fascinating.
28 June 2012 11:04
gail said...
This was very enlightening - "DD is designed to stop or alter unwanted behaviour and to strengthen a relationship and is not intended to be sexual. BDSM is, in general, performed more for the mutual enjoyment and often the sexual pleasure of both parties" was an eye opener for me.

Thanks for creating this posting.
7 July 2012 21:14
patxi said...
Only just picked up on this article: me late as usual. You are to be congratulated on its engaging honesty. Clearly the trust necessary between partners for a DD relationship to work properly demands it to a high degree, a fact I find so fascinating. Put simply, if both partners have the strength of mind and will to make it work then go for it. Some of us out there must be quite envious. Thank you for writing on a topic not easy for many people to comprehend.
19 September 2012 17:16
crumbmouse said...
It's a great article I really enjoyed reading it. I could find myself in it more than once. I live also in a DD relationship for more than 4 years now and I can honestly say our love is still growing - probably not only because of the DD aspect but I feel emotionally safer than I ever felt in my life.
20 September 2012 16:15
SouthernLady said...
I must admit what I thought I knew about the DD Lifestyle and what your article states it is are very different. Thank for giving us new insight into this type of relationship.
27 September 2012 19:10
OldBill said...
If I may say so I am most impressed that you and your husband have been able to introduce this arrangement into your lves, for mutual benefit it seems. Most of us flounder around hoping for the best.
3 October 2012 06:22
kayjay said...
I'm glad that you wrote this article, it gives an insight into a lifestyle that appears to give you both a very caring and satisfying relationship based on honesty and trust. DD seems to work so well for so many couples; the more I learn about it, the more I see the positives, and the negatives only seem to occur on any significant levels if there are abuses of that trust. Thank you.
5 October 2012 19:29
redrower said...
Thank you for your post. It is the commitment and time spent in developing and maintaining the relationship that comes across. DD seems to keep you feeling safe and your trust in him that makes the relationship work.
9 October 2012 03:49
CarolinaPaddler said...
Pink Angel,

Thank you explaining there is much more to a DD lifestyle than spanking. In many cases the spankings are not fun and they hurt a lot. It was good that you mentioned the philosophy is to make the relationship that much stronger. That really is the benefit! In some relationships it gives household chores done by non traditional persons an incentive to divide the drudge work when both are contributing to the outside household income.
2 November 2012 13:20
rachelredbum said...
Thank you for writing this article, Pinks. Now i understand "DD" a lot better.
19 June 2013 20:29
bearbottom0228 said...
What a wonderfully candid, sincere, and moving description of a blessed relationship. Congratulations on achieving and maintaining the same and thanks for sharing.
15 November 2013 17:20
jimscribner said...
As adult citizens of a democracy we all have lots of legal rights we can choose to waive when we see it as being in our self-interest to do so. I spent 20 years in the Army so I don't see it as demeaning to take orders and follow rules other people don't have to. Equality is a legal fiction. We all have our individual strengths and weaknesses, We all defer to the wishes of others when the situation requires. We all have formal as well as informal agreements with others there are consequences for violating. The only part of a DD relationship that's really unusual is that you authorize somebody to spank you as one of the consequences of breaking a rule. Spanking is not in itself a big deal. It's not like getting a boxing ring with Mike Tyson something you could be seriously injured by. Even when it's used as punishment it's more of a symbolic ritual than a violent attack, The Freudian subtext is symbolic bonding which is why it can be used in sexual foreplay and why it can become punitive when bonding with somebody mad at you. :)
21 July 2014 20:18
ColumbiaSenior said...
My husband and I officially included CDD into our marriage relationship June 2013, starting with a week of "boot camp" to make sure DD would work for us.
DD is only used by my husband, thus HoH and only for the usual Ds....Disrespect; Danger; Dishonesty. The last two are not a problem ever, but due to me having to be the strong one for over 50 years, Disrespect is what I often struggle against, due to being used to being the one in control. We are finally so that happens way less often now.
26 July 2014 21:09
CheekyAurora said...
Thanks for this article-I've been debating about seeking a DD relationship and have realized that I'll need to consider a lot of potential issues before I can even begin thinking about one. This is enlightening and honest, which is very helpful to me.
29 July 2014 04:37
jenniferj1995 said...
This is a very useful, well written article about DD. It also makes a good case for using DD in a marriage. A follow-up article with specifics of the writer's rules and punishments would be a useful companion piece so that we can see how the theory described in this article was put into practice.
15 August 2014 23:47
Denisepage said...
One question. Is there an escape clause. Could I say no if I'm sorry but just don't want to be spanked?
25 April 2016 21:51
dougmorton said...
My wife willingly gives me hard (for me) requested spankings twice a week, but will not spank me for "discipline," so DD is not an option for us. But, because of the strong bonding to my wife that I experience when I am spanked, if the intent of a DD relationship were to make me a more considerate and helpful husband in tangible ways, then that intent has largely been accomplished -- as a consequence of the twice-a-week spankings, which I covet and look forward to. Spanking me on a regular basis has made me a better and more loving husband, and we both welcome that.
4 May 2016 17:23
janewoo8888 said...
If only my husband will implement DD on me. He is afraid to hurt me with a spanking I am longing for.
5 July 2021 00:21

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