The Library of Spanking Fiction: Wellred Weekly
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Articles
Items of interest regarding all things spanking
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Let Us Compare Spankologies In 1956, the Canadian poet, novelist and singer/songwriter Leonard Cohen published his first book, a collection of poems entitled Let Us Compare Mythologies. I must admit I have just had a brief glance at the book, but the title has haunted me for years: Comparing mythologies - isn't that what we really do when we get to know each other intimately, when we share beliefs, dreams, hopes, fears, memories, and all the other things that make us who we are? I have always thought that there must be something like a "spanking mythology" - a collection of beliefs, fantasies, dreams, habits, and feelings that unite us spankos. There is so much we have in common - even silly, small things such as looking up spanking related words in a dictionary. But as I chat with more and more people and read an ever increasing number of spanking stories, I realize that there are also lots of things that separate us - there are many twists and turns the fetish can take, and what is exhilarating to me, may be boring, or even disgusting, to you. So perhaps we should speak of spanking mythologies, or spankologies, if you please. Some of the things that separate us are clearly matters of culture, experience, and habit. I, for instance, am fascinated by the birch because it was still thought of as the "ultimate punishment" where I grew up, and I have never really cared for girls in school uniforms as there weren't any around. It would be quite interesting to write an essay on how culture helps form our spanking personalities, but that is not my purpose here. I believe that behind the cultural differences, there is a set of deeper and more fundamental attitudes that unite and separate us, and in this article I would like to concentrate on these underlying variables. Let me say at once that I do not claim to have identified all basic variables of the spanking fetish, and that some of those I do describe are probably more closely correlated than a conscientious scientist would be comfortable with. Still they seem to cover slightly different aspects that may be of interest to spanking enthusiasts. Allow me one more apology before I begin. I shall be referring a lot to my own feelings and attitudes - not because I think they are of such great interest and importance to others, but simply because I need to exemplify, and I am the only person I know well enough to use as an example. When I tried to reply to my own questions, I realized that my answers differ according to what I have in mind, and that what I prefer in stories or fantasies is not necessarily what I would enjoy in real life. Most others will probably feel the same way. But let us begin: 1. Are you a spankee, a spanker - or perhaps a switch? This may seem an easy question, but not for all us. Although as an adult I have only fantasized about giving spankings, I definitely had other fantasies as a boy, and actually getting spanked still turns me on. So on a scale from 0 to 1 where 0 is pure spankee and 1 is pure spanker, I should perhaps put myself down somewhere around 0.7 or 0.8? If we made a poll, my guess is that female spankos would dominate the left (spankee) part of the scale, while we men would find ourselves predominantly on the right hand side. Is this nature or nurture? I don't know (I don't even know to what extent the question makes sense!), but my feeling is that nurture has a lot to do with it. I believe, e.g., that my own adolescent journey from switch to spanker was to a large extent due to "cultural pressure"; it just seemed so much easier to combine the tough, protective rôle of a young male with the dominant side of myself than with the submissive one, and I suppose many girls feel a pull in the opposite direction. But then we may, of course, ask ourselves to what extent the male and female stereotypes of Western culture are themselves products of nature or nurture? 2. Pain, pleasure or punishment? Are you turned on primarily by erotic spankings or by punishment spankings? I originally meant to measure this variable along a scale from 0 to 1 just like the previous one, but then it occurred to me that the erotic part really splits into two: erotic love spankings and more hardcore BDSM. So think of an equilateral triangle where the corners are labeled pleasure, pain and punishment, and pick a point inside the triangle to indicate the importance of the three ingredients to your fetish. In the pleasure corner I expect to find those who engage in spanking in a purely fun and/or sensual manner without any real reference to punishment, domination or sadism/masochism, and in the BDSM corner I would put those who use spanking in a BDSM context without a strong emphasis on punishment (I'll return to the distinction between punishment and domination later). Personally, I find myself close to the punishment corner: Pain as such means nothing to me, and even when I play silly spanking games in bed, I need a reason to spank somebody - just swatting a bottom isn't enough. Many will probably find that their disposition varies with mood and circumstance, and this just means that they need to find a point inside the triangle which corresponds to their particular mixture. 3. No sex please, we're spankos This variable is close to the distinction between erotic and punishment spankings, but from a different perspective. The question is: Do you think of spanking as a part of your "ordinary" sexuality or as a "parallel" sexuality? Let me use myself as an example. I definitely get sexually aroused by stories and fantasies where women get spanked, but it is the spanking situation itself I find arousing and not the spankee as a sexual object. In fact, most of the kick I get from a spanking story is by identifying with the spankee — what really turns me on is her mixed feeling of guilt, shame, relief, embarrassment, pain, lust, and redemption. I admit that my own stories have a tendency to end in sex, but then the sexual act is an act of forgiveness (both ways) and reconciliation between adults, and not a prolongation of the spanking. Hence I think of my spanking addiction as a kind of "parallel sexuality" with laws and objectives different from my ordinary sexuality. The two are connected in the sense that a good spanking definitely makes me ready for ordinary sex, but I prefer not to mix the two: a punishment spanking is a punishment spanking and the sex will have to wait till afterwards. My "parallelism" has certain consequences: I don't usually enjoy spanking pictures, videos, or stories that put a lot of emphasis on "ordinary" sexuality; close-ups on genitals and long and detailed descriptions of sexual secretion are turn-offs for me. But others must see it differently and have a much closer connection between their spanking fetish and the rest of their sexuality; otherwise there simply wouldn't be that many videos and stories for me to dislike! So on a scale from 0 to 1, where 0 is for spanking fully integrated in ordinary sexuality and 1 is for parallel sexualities, I would have to put myself somewhere between 0.9 and 1, I think. It is tempting to speculate that "parallelism" has to do with the formation of the fetish. I discovered my spanking interest long before I discovered the rest of my sexuality, and that may be why the two never linked up. My guess is that people who discover the fetish at or after puberty are much more likely to integrate spanking with the rest of their sexuality, but this, of course, is just a guess. 4. The balance equation What purpose does spanking have in a relationship? There seems to be a confusion between two different models which are impossible to combine because the underlying logics are contradictory. The first kind is typical of D/s-relationships. In these relationships, imbalance is the aim: one part is dominant, the other one is submissive. Occasionally, the submissive part may rebel, but the true goal is not to succeed, but to be put in place; it is primarily a challenge to make the Dom prove that he is worthy of his dominant rôle. Spanking is used to restore the imbalance; it is the Dom's way to prove that he is still in power. This logic of imbalance is common in general BDSM circles, but I think most spankos are closer to the opposite logic of balance. In these relationships, the parts are in principle equal, but occasionally one of them will stray from the right path and create an imbalance in the relationship. Spanking is seen as a way of restoring the balance - it gives the culprit an opportunity to pay for his or her sins and to start anew with a clean slate. If you want a graphical illustration, you may think of the situation after the spanking: In the first case, the sub will sit satiated at the Dom's feet grateful to be back in her usual submissive rôle, while in the second case, the partners will grasp hands and move on, both grateful to be back on an equal footing. Our feelings and desires are not very logical, and it is, of course, possible to yearn for both kinds of relationship according to mood and circumstance. So on a scale from 0 (imbalance) to 1 (balance) where would you put yourself? As dominance in any form is something I find truly abhorrent, I would like to give myself 1.0 on this scale, but due to a little devil within it is probably more honest to put me down at 0.9. 5. What's pain got to do with it? Spankings hurt, but how important is the pain? For sadists and masochists pain may be the most important ingredient, but what about the rest of us? You may argue that the pain is the punishment, but that is not so obvious - spanking is usually associated with other forms of punishment such as grounding and corner time where embarrassment is much more important than pain, and if spending time in a corner is sufficiently embarrassing to be considered punishment, a trip over the knee with your bottom bared should definitely qualify, even if all you got were a few symbolic swats. A major problem in many relationships is that we punish each other all the time, and then refuse to admit what we are doing. A related problem is that people say they forgive, and then continue to bear a grudge. Such behavior creates lasting problems - how can you feel forgiven by people who deny that they are punishing you or who say they have forgiven you although they have not? The advantage of spanking is that it is a punishment that can not be overlooked; neither spanker nor spankee can deny that a spanking has taken place, and pain is the proof that the punishment was for real and not just a game. I think this is the main reason why spanking seems so morally satisfactory to us spankos; it is not just punishment, but it is a form of punishment that has to be recognized by everybody involved as the final word - and hence as a new beginning. This part of spanking logic always reminds me of the much more dramatic argument in Oscar Wilde's Ballad of the Reading Gaol: Yet each man kills the thing he loves By each let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word, The coward does it with a kiss, The brave man with a sword! On a scale from 0 to 1 where 0 is "pain is only important to prove that the punishment is real" and 1 is "pain is the main objective of a punishment spanking", I would put myself close to 0, say 0.05? 6. The metaphysics of spanking Why should you or anyone else get spanked? Is it just a sexual kick, or does it connect to other parts of your personality? Although I have been an atheist for as long as I can remember, I tend to think of spankings in religious terms: crime, sin, regret, guilt, punishment, repentance, atonement, forgiveness, redemption, rebirth. To be honest, I don't really think these terms are religious at all, but that they refer to needs and experiences we all have in common and which are forced upon us by a long infancy where we are totally dependent on others. But, of course, not everybody connects these ideas to spanking, and it is definitely possible to be a spanko without seeing any connection between these terms and a sexual fetish. The final question is: "Do you think your spanking fetish is connected to other parts of your personality such as your conscience, your self-image, your attitude to others?" On a scale from 0 (not at all) to 1 (very much so) I again have to put myself close to 1, perhaps at 0.95.  It's time to quit. As I have already said, there are probably more interesting variables than I have been able to identify, and some of the ones above are probably just different perspectives on the same underlying idea. I would definitely like to hear suggestions for new variables for the next edition of this essay! And let's hope Leonard Cohen forgives me... 10 comments
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